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Ok . . . so the last couple of weeks was a real learning curve for me (another one!!!). Yeah hopefully we never stop learning till the day we die. And you know what sometimes we just have to do stupid things to prove to ourselves we still need to grow up and NO we don’t know everything. I’m not going to go into it but let’s just say internet dating sites are pretty scary. You never really know who your talking to or where they are. I know you all already know this but so did I and I still tripped myself up. I think it’s another problem with being single for so long. You really want to think you can meet someone that is likeminded without having to go to the bars, movies, or where ever else all by yourself and feel foolish. Why do that when you can just sit in your living room and do the same thing? Lol   Oh well, you never know if you never try, right? In reality you could meet someone in real life and still not know the person, we have all already done that at least once , or we wouldn’t be single parents. BUT the advantage of a real person in real life is at least you know where they are, about how old they really are and what they really look like. You also have a better chance at judging the bullshit when they are right there looking at you. Anyway I’ll be trying again to get in here on a regular basis. Just because I took some great pics at a fire accross the street today I’m going to post one of them

Talk to you tomorrow

caRol

DON'T leave the lid closed while you light your BBQ!!!

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All photographs on this site have been shot and edited by CMJ Photography. They are the sole possession of caRol. Permission is required for the use of or replication of any photographs on this site.

Like can become very overwhelming in a very short time. Have you ever noticed that when things are going wrong or way to fast, there is always more than one thing. It seems to run in threes or fours. The good news? “It  too will pass”.  It helps if you have faith in Jesus as well because then you also know HE is in control and you will be ok!  I personally am very grateful for my faith, although I know not everyone is in agreement with me. You will read in my writings as time goes on that I have been through many circumstances which have no explanation for the outcome other than miraculous. I have no intention on preaching my beliefs in this blog BUT I will give credit to them when I know they are the reason something did or did not happen. I am not the slightest bit ashamed to be a Christian as a matter of fact I am very proud of it but I also know that is not the the wavelength of all of us. Single parents tend to have bad days beyond what 2 parent families have for some very basic reasons. To start with as a single parent you are very much a lone warrior. You feel very isolated from the world “out there”.  You can not go home and pour out your feelings to …  about your day, your flat tire, your missed bus, johnny’s flu or anything else. There is no one to listen except the kids and they are to busy with their own issues.  Not a chance the kids would or could understand anyway.  Which brings us to the fact that “no one” has the ability to understand the loneliness and frustrations of a single parent except another single parent. It has always amazed me when talking about a child’s behavior with other parents or teachers who have never been single parents, how they can state  so matter of  fact  “keep them in their room”, “off the phone”,  “you need to ground them , that’ll stop “that” right away”.  Okkkkk? . . . just how do they suggest I keep kids in their room, off the phone, or in the house once I have left for work?????  I did have the “no TV” worked out  though (I took the tv cord with me) but even that didn’t get their homework done or their chores or anything else for that matter. It just meant they left and went to a friends till 1/2 hr before mom got home. Other people just don’t get it, nor will they, because they have never experienced it.  I did think of joining a single parent group but I never had the time, energy or money to take it past the “thought” part, lol.  I went to work . . .went home to the kids . . .usually passed out on the couch after supper and woke up to go back to work. They say working moms should not have to  handle all the childcare, housework, meal prep and work outside the home, therefore the husbands need to be pitching in and taking on some of the home and child duties too. Well guess what. Single parents do ALL that and more with no one else to even so much as talk to, or receive encouragement from or even just give them a 10 minute break so they can put their head on straight again. There is no such thing as going home and having a peaceful soak in the tub, heck we can’t even take a pee without the the presence of children. Just writing this is exhausting me all over again and my children are all grown now (as of last year). But  I do have time to write on my computer now, Lol except when the phone rings with another issue to help with!  Anyway before you walk in that door/pick them up from daycare or whatever, grab a coffee from a drive thru and sit in your car for 5 – 15 min, recline your car seat back a little and close your eyes. Just breath deep in and out  slowly with your mouth closed. Try to not think about work or kids  just exsist!  You will be surprized at how much better you feel when you put your seat up, and go get them! I always tried to make time for this little mini break between work to home and/or home to work. It will start to make a huge difference in your frame of mind for either end.  Talk at ya soon

"Never stop noticing the little things in your day!"

If you don’t like something, change it. If your not willing to change it, quit whining & suck it up!”

Wisdom of caRol

“It takes a lot of people to make one person!”
The explanation of my Avatar
Wisdom of caRol

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me is a load of crap!
Bones Heal”

caRol

 

Almost up and running!

Please read my “about” button at the top of this blog. It will give you an idea whether my site is what you would be interested in or not. I am new to blogging so I’ve been a little slow on the uptake but I think I’ve almost got it. Any suggestions you may have would be welcome as I want this to be a site for like minded parents to get together as the more heads the better. A support group, if you will.

This is sooooo each and every child with the first snow in winter !

One Day at a Time

Tomorrow is a brand new day . . . I need one.

Too tired to say much tonight:  It’s been a rough day from about 2pm on and I am spent emotionally but I promised myself I would write everyday so I am here. I think this is the first time I felt this exhausted and it had nothing to do with my family life.  Huge decisions ahead on Tuesday and not really wanting to think about it right now. Good news? I’m joining a club tomorrow that is just starting and it’s for baby boomers, cool eh? It will get me somewhere besides work and home all the time. After 16 years it’s time I made some friends and get a life outside of my family too. Lot’s of spare time on my hands now but never want to go anywhere cause I would have to go by myself (now, how sad is that eh?). I’m not talking about shopping, I mean out for a coffee, go to a movie, go for a walk ( no it’s not a singles club ) just a bunch of like-minded/same age people getting together and getting to know other people. I think it’s a going to be a great club. Let ya know more tomorrow. Will carry on with the story , don’t worry.

Later then …

Ahhhhh . . .in the backwoods of B.C., Canada

Yup, out in the backyard again eh?

I was a stay at home mom for 21 years of marriage.

We split and (he) left the country and went overseas (he’s in the oil industry) to do offshore so he wouldn’t have to pay child support or alimony.

That was 16 years ago. Our oldest was 20 and our youngest was 3 years old. I worked bartending, cleaning houses and anything else I could pick up for 2 years. We lived on the West Coast at the time and any work is very seasonal (tourist inspired).

When my youngest started school I decided to go back to school myself. I upgraded a little then took my nursing. It worked perfectly, just as I had planned I was at school when the kids were at school and home when they were home ( there is no way I could afford childcare for 5 children). We ate supper and then settled in to do homework . . . Ok now if your a single parent you know that’s a load of crap, lol.

The reality? ( I ) settled in to do homework, and the kids? They learned very quickly that as long as they were quiet and didn’t fight they could pretty much do anything they wanted and I would never notice their homework was on the TV screen or in the back yard.

Anyway . . . Once I was finished school and working it was a whole new world and learning curve for me  as I no longer had any ultimatums that worked miracles like; “just wait till your father . . .” or ” YOU are grounded ” or ” no allowence for you if . . .”  all these cards required a second parent to help enforce them and a bigger income.

And so I started down the path of finding my alternative powers as a solo enforcer.

I promised them all an ice cream cone if they smiled, lol.

Raising kids is never easy but as a “single” parent you can multiply that by 10 to the 3rd power!

As the single parent of seven children for the last 16 years, I’ve experienced stuff that will make your hair stand on end and be grateful that it wasn’t you it happened to.

But that’s my point. I was usually so focused on whatever I was dealing with that I rarely stopped to realize how good things were till … Someone elses story would cross my path and I’d think “wow, I’m glad I don’t have that problem”. Suddenly my mountains seemed easier to climb and things didn’t appear to be as bad as I had thought.

It is my prayer that this blog will help other single parents put life back in perspective as they laugh, cry, cringe or just plain realize they are not the only ones who feel like they could pull their hair out “while” they are climbing the walls.

Feel free to share, comment, ask questions anytime